My Spiritual Growth Journey

The past few days have been transformative to say the least. For me, life seems to go in cycles:

1. Down period
   
2. Realization of what's important in life
   
3. Peak period
   
4. Forgetting what's important in life and/or taking it for granted
   
5. Repeat steps 1-4 (evolving each time)

Last Winter/Spring, I took a break from business for five months (hence the lack of blog entries) and explored spirituality through a few hours of meditation per day, reading, journaling/contemplating, and going on a retreat. Quite frankly, this worked. My quality of life improved demonstrably.

Instead of waking up feeling like I was forgetting something or being stressed about a meeting, on many days, I'd literally wake up smiling for no reason. Other days, I'd start laughing uncontrollably and sometimes even crying from joy for no reason at all. Also, my work productivity increased as I stopped procrastinating and did things in order of importance. Of course, on a day-to-day basis everything wasn't perfect or drastically different, but it was noticeably different from my perspective.

Things started go downhill over the summer when I decided that the positive state of mind could run itself without the routines I mentioned above. Then slowly but surely, over the period of a few months, I started to overwork myself and become stressed. I also forgot many of the things I had learned.

At any rate, I'M BACK and with some personal lessons learned:

1. Truth is only known from experience. Science is extremely powerful. It has allowed us to collectively understand the world and build effective, new technologies more than we've been able to at any other point in history. However, it can only take us so far. It can't answer many core, life questions and it can't prove things like whether I love my family. I think that truth can come from a "knowing". It is hard to say because I can't really back it up, but I don't necessarily think that makes it invalid.

2. The mind/body is not me. So, let me explain the Vipassana retreat I went on. I spent 10-days in complete silence, meditating 15 hours a day. The specific technique used was very simple and involves scanning the body and its sensations. The whole retreat required more will power than I've ever had to summon.

   During the retreat, I realized many of the tricks the mind plays, and also just the sheer randomness and lack of control I have over my thoughts and sensations. At one point during the retreat, I had a "knowing" feeling that all these sensations and thoughts are not who I am at a core level.

   When I think about it, it is sort of interesting to observe how little control we have over our mind and body. For example, I have no idea what the next word I'm going to type is. It's just coming free flow. I know what I want to write this entry on, but the rest just comes. The same goes for whenever I talk. Also, sometimes I catch myself in the middle of a body movement, and I think, "Why am I doing this? I didn't plan to do it."

3. Spirituality is important to me. I've re-dedicated myself to seeking truth and as I find it, confronting it directly. I know this is a long journey, but I'm excited to take it. I consider each moment an opportunity to pursue and be it.

4. I'm an athlete Taking my recontextualization into account, I'm in the business of learning how to control my mind. Just like an athlete learns how to control their body through dedicated practice, so must I dedicate myself to practice. Just as an athlete practices for their entire career, so must I practice for my entire life.

An author, which I'd highly recommend is David Hawkins. His work has inspired me the most. Over the past few years, I've re-read his 3 books more than I've re-read any other book. He is formerly a very successful psychiatrist, and he went through a process of what many would call enlightenment in his mid-life. His books have gotten testimonials from Mother Theresa, Sam Walton, and Lee Iacocca. Most mystics I've learned about come from India. I appreciate the fact that he is American and was like me when he was younger. He had this same urge to explore and used his career as one of the tools to do it. He became a M.D. and Ph.D. so he could learn more about how the human body works. Also, he started a very successful practice serving thousands of people. Furthermore, he has extensively researched other religions, but separates himself from any one of them. He self-published his first book, Power vs. Force, in 1995. He knew that his message was so powerful that he decided to do no marketing. I think it has just recently got in the book stores. Interestingly, I just looked on Amazon.com and it is the 129 bestselling book!

I know the topic of spirituality and religion are very polarizing. Furthermore, they are fairly taboo, so I haven't talked about this stuff, even with my family and most of my close friends. I've written this entry as an effort to be more honest with myself and the people in my life. You can disagree with me or agree with me.