The Good Life
I don't want to have a good life. I don't want to get drunk on weekends. I don't want to watch TV. I don't want a safe job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to be paralyzed by fear, anger, disillusionment or any other feelings. And, I don't want sugar, McDonalds, or any of that stuff.
I want to do what my conscience tells me, at any cost, even if I suffer and even it involves losing my life someday. Over the last few months from personal experiences and from studying people I admire via autobiographies, I've come to realize what I must give up. I've begun to realize how difficult it will be to do that, and my body has balked. I've gone back-and-forth only praying that I somehow will muster up the courage to live the life I want to. For the first time, everything inside of me knows that I will live that life.
In the end, one of the things that saves me is knowing that I could never forgive myself otherwise.
A year ago, after attending a 10-day silent retreat, I realized that I could be broken. That was scary. Now, I must push myself to that level repeatedly. I don't know what happens beyond the breaking point, but I want to. I've gone from being atheist to agnostic to now believing in God. I hope that God will give me the strength to follow this journey wherever it may lead.
It starts Today! It starts now.
Posted at September 21, 2005 02:26 AM
Interestingly enough I heard Jim Collins speak and he said something along the lines of
'You know, some day someone will wake up and regret their life. You'll wake up and realize you lived a good life, not a great life'.
I don't want to live the good life either, Michael.