On Long-Term Relationships: An Inside Story

There is no textbook on having a close relationship. In high school I believed that I would find a soul mate and that we'd spend every momemnt in happiness until death did its part. This has not been the case. I'm a big believer that what society doesn't talk about seems to get worse. Therefore he goes...

Sheena and I have been dating since the third day of our freshman year at NYU - 5 years ago. We moved in with each other 9 months later and started working together 20 months later. Here have been my experiences of what a relationship is like:

1. There maybe nothing else that forces you to confront yourself in the same way. If one takes repsonsibility for how one experiences a relationship, the growth can be absolutely amazing.
   
2. You will see each other in your worst moments. You and your partner may do things you never thought you would. Sheena and I have thrown things at each other and said terrible things to each other. It's embarrassing to admit to myself, none-the-less to other people. I'm used to laughing about petty arguments on reality series, not it happening to me. With that said, a relationship can be humbling and an opportunity to learn forgiveness of oneself and others.
   
3. Being interrdependent can be a good thing with the right person. Normally, when you have big disagreement with someone the relationship ends or goes on hiatus. However, since we live together and work together, it only makes sense to discontinue the relationship if things are going very poorly over a stretch of time without hopes for improving. Quite frankly, I doubt Sheena and I would still be together if we hadn't taken steps to weave our lives closer. The more your lives are interwoven, the more it makes sense to deal with issues as they come up and grow from them.
   
4. All huge arguments seem to be based on at least one major thing that I could change or learn about myself.
   
5. It is up and down. We could be having the most romantic night ever and then all of a sudden get in an argument because one person doesn't feel listened to because the other is biting their nails.
   
6. There is an infatuation period that lasts for varying amounts of time depending on the couple. During this time it is hard to be away from the other person and it is hard to even see one thing the other person could change. This stage seems to be in large part physiological. It could end in a moment. Moving on to the next stage can be trying for the relationship as the other person seems to transform into somebody else.
   
7. Having somebody you trust, who understands you, and who you can share anything with is extremely nice.
   
8. Coming home to, going to sleep with, and waking up with somebody who you love and loves you is a beautiful thing.
   
9. Having intermittent periods of solitude has been very important for my growth and perspective.
   
10. To me, the most critical parts of successful relationship are trust, similar values (at first), communication, and similar life aspirations.

I feel like it is important to say my experiences with a close relationship, because it is hard to get truthful perspectives on this topic. For me, it is hard to share because I don't know how other close relationships are. Are we the only ones who get in big arguments over silly things? It's hard to know since nobody talks about it.

But it feels like a duty to share this stuff. I'm inspired by other people in my life who are able to accept themselves and in so doing make it easier for others to do the same. I don't want to spend any portion of my life being afraid of the truth.

My side of the story is obviously biased. Sheena will be posting her perspective too on her blog. I personally look forward to reading it.

Posted at August 10, 2005 09:50 AM