What Do You Really Like?

Where can you find what your unconscience really thinks about Britney Spears vs. 50 Cent, Kerry vs. Bush, and idealism vs. realism? Try being part of Harvard's study on automatic preferences!

I was referred to the link through a book I am reading, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell (author of The Tipping Point). He writes about how our gut feelings are often right and are based off of our super-fast unconscious mind processes. The Harvard Study similarly is seeking to get beyond your conscious thoughts to what you unconsciously think about hundreds of topics. If you take a few tests I am willing to bet that you will be surprised by the results. And my results? So far I have:

• Strong Preference to Brittney Spears in relation to 50 Cent (not too surprised)
• No preference to George Bush relative to John Kerry (shocked)
• Moderate preference to idealism relative to realism (somewhat surprised)
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  January 21, 2005

  State of the Union

  Simply the fact that I am sitting here typing while overlooking an astonishing view of the Manhattan Bridge, Queens, and the East River would have been more than I could have dreamed of as a senior in high school, fascinated with New York City. Exploring the city's streets was enough to elate me when I first moved here, and experiences such I have now would have been beyond imagination - meeting world experts on a daily basis, having well-known and well connected freinds and mentors, visiting the city's top restaurants and lounges, and working out of offices on Wall St. and in the Chrysler Building. I never expected that I would last a year in the city when I first arrived, so I certainly didn't expect that I would be living in a beautiful spacious apartment in Brooklyn that had everything I could possibly need. And most of all, I had basically given up hope that I would ever meet a 'soul mate', and not three days into my city experience, I had met a man who surpassed even my picky ideals. And as if that weren't enough, he has continued to surpass those continually rising ideals each of the four and a half years I have been lucky enough to be with him.

  What am I doing right? Life doesn't seem to get much better than this. Except that it really has almost always been this good. Whenever I have needed it, prayers have been answered with little to no asking. I am constantly pushing my boundaries and finding new excitements. I want to travel the world, but yet there is so much adventure to be had closer than 'my own backyard'. Stress and anxiety come from having too many opportunities, not too few. What am I doing right?
  

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  June 30, 2004

  Making a Move

  Thinking about making the move to live with a significant other? After living with Michael for over three years, here is the advice I gave to a friend:

  Firstly, living together and dating are very different. My guess would be that living together is much more like being married than it is like dating, although of course I've never been married. There seem to be various stages to any relationship, and I think by moving in together, a new stage arises. The infatuation you get in the beginning of a relationship gives way to a more casual love. In a way, you start to think of each other like family and take each other for granted. A lot of the 'glamour' of the relationship goes away. It's great because you are so comfortable around each other, but at the same time you sometimes forget how lucky you are, and have to keep reminding yourself.

  I've heard that successful marriages are less likely to come about after "cohabitations". I don’t know much about how these statistics were derived, but you have to think about the context. A couple living together has only very recently become acceptable, just as divorce has. Relationships are not what they used to be - for better and for worse. I think that one thing that our generation has been entirely mislead on is the belief that we have one soulmate and that once we find our "prince" we will live "happily ever after". Relationships are hard work, and we have never been taught how to push through the tough times which are inevitable. I would argue that the most difficult times for Michael and I have brought us the most growth - both individually and in our relationship. But many people take these difficult times as signs that they "were not meant for each other" after all.

  The other thing I should point out about living together is that the longer you do it, the more difficult it is to break up. Michael and I have considered breaking up before (though we're both glad we didn’t now), and when that was going on, we realized how difficult it would actually be to move apart. Our belongings had virtually merged, and we had become very interdependent. But it wasn't just our belongings. We had been giving to each other unconditionally, the way you would give to a family member who you expected to always be your family member. But at the same time, when you're living together, marriage becomes very easy to put off, even if you plan on it eventually. (This is where I see our relationship right now.) It doesn’t seem like much would change, and so there doesn’t seem to be much of a point in it. Where is the benefit? Perhaps this accounts some for the increasing delay in the age of marriages in our generation.

  I hope these points do not sound too negative, because to be completely honest with you, I think it was an excellent choice for us to live together and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It will bring out the best in your relationship and the worst - and the best in each other and the worst. It is a beautiful catalyst for growth. However, living together is certainly not dating. I think for it to be successful, each individual has to approach living together with a commitment to the relationship's success, a willingness to change and compromise, and a determination to use the challenges as a means to grow personally.

  Above all, I think the best advice I can give is the advice that my mother gave me when I told her that Michael and I were thinking about it - you have to follow your heart, and you will know if it is right for you.

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  March 17, 2004

  Laws of Attraction

  What causes us to connect with, to love, other human being? What is it that attracts us to one person but not another? It certainly is nothing logical, although we try to rationalize it in our heads. “I like him because he makes me laugh; I like her because she’s so much like me; We’re best friends because we’ve known each other for so long.” But then what happens when the person you feel this “connection” with is someone who, for all logical, reasons is someone you shouldn’t like? Or vice-versa.

  I have had experiences where I have met extremely interesting people who are interested in many of the same things that I am, but as much as I wanted to, I could not build that feeling of connection. It wasn’t that I didn’t like them. There was just no “chemistry”. And I have met people that, even in a very short period of time, I have developed a very deep connection with.

  I would really love to know what creates and sustains these bonds. Are we attracted to particular people for a reason? I read somewhere a theory that while we communicate on a worldly level, unbeknownst to our egos our souls are at the same time communicating, and this determines our level of attraction. I suppose this is possible. And then, to take this question one step further, once we are attracted to another person, what determines whether this will be a romantic or more friendly attraction?
  

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  January 25, 2004

  Hillary Clinton

  I’m currently reading Hillary Clinton’s autobiography, Living History, and I must say she is an extremely fascinating and inspiring woman. While I am only on page 164 out of 534, I have already taken from her two lessons that I hope to always apply to my life:

  1. Hilary faced many critical attacks on her role as a woman, as a mother, and as a political figure, especially during the campaign for her husband’s presidency. In her autobiography, she writes that the mantra she adopted to deal with criticism was: “Take criticism seriously, but not personally.”

     In the past, I have often felt conflicted in terms of criticism – without question, I want people’s honest feedback. But then when it is negative, it is sometimes difficult for me not to feel bad, even when I know I shouldn’t. I think that by seeking to grow rather than to safeguard the ego, criticism can be seen as a blessing and not something that is painful and to be avoided.

  2. While adjusting to her new role as First Lady, Hillary found that people wanted to fit her into a certain box – traditional or feminist. She was, like many women, trapped by gender stereotypes that didn’t reflect the true complexity of her life. She found that it was very difficult to satisfy people with her many different, and sometimes paradoxical, roles. How could she prove to people that she could be both a hardworking professional woman and a conscientious and caring hostess?

     I greatly admire her persistence in being herself, even when that self was not accepted by others. I think that most people agree that they should be themselves, but the part that is difficult is truly understanding and accepting that self. We often place ourselves, like we place others, into these stereotypical roles and “boxes”, rather than embracing all of the complexity that we bring into the world. It is so powerful to seek to understand rather than work to eliminate the seemingly contradictory and paradoxical elements of ourselves. It is these aspects that truly make us who we are.

  
  

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  January 21, 2004

  On Learning

  Sometimes it takes a great deal of practice to learn something new, and sometimes I get it right away or after just a little practice. But when I do learn, it is because something in my head clicks and all of a sudden whatever I was trying to learn comes very easily. I just understand it, and I don’t know where that understanding comes from. I can think of many times I’ve had this “clicking” feeling: playing the trombone, driving, learning to type, running…the list goes on. But what makes that click happen? If only I could figure that out, I could learn new things a lot faster!

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  January 20, 2004

  Natural Talent

  Ever since I was young, I’ve been obsessed with the “natural”. I didn’t wear make-up until late into high school because I wanted to exude my “natural beauty”. When, as a high school freshman, I died my hair red with Koolade, this only furthered my belief that to try to change what was natural only made it worse.

  What is natural? This involves a very fine line…if there even exists a line. For example, other values of mine were “natural talent” and “natural intelligence”. But does that mean it is “unnatural” to develop these qualities within ourselves?

  Nobody is born with everything. In fact, I think that we are all truly born equally equipped – just in vastly different ways. And that some strengths are not as highly valued by our culture as others. I have come to notice this desire to remain natural sometimes limiting me, holding me back from believing I can be good at things I never thought I was. Through this realization though, I have come to the conclusion that there cannot be anything more natural than the human desire to learn and grow. Without learned talents, we would not get anywhere.

  Equally valuable and natural are talents that are with us from birth and talents that we work hard to attain.

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  October 09, 2003

  Vanquishing the Gobbler of Time

  I’ve recently gotten much better at prioritizing. A great book on this essential subject is "First Things First" by Stephen Covey. I read the book in August and I’m still feeling its effects. It is definitely not your typical “organize your life” book, and I highly recommend it to anyone feeling overwhelmed or unsatisfied by their busy life.

  In addition to the methods that I learned in the book, I’ve been trying to do things that cause me stress first. When you think about it, if you do stressful things first, then you have the rest of the day not to be stressed. It actually makes quite a lot of sense and once it becomes habit, it’s not difficult at all. This is a big step for me who was once named by mother as “The Queen of Procrastination”.
  

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  October 06, 2003

  A Convert

  I've been sold. When Michael began blogging I have to admit I was a bit skeptical. It is a prime example of his addictive personality at work – he spent so much time researching about blogs and writing entries, taking pains to make sure his work was perfect. Honestly, I thought it was quite a waste of time. Yet here I am, four months later, getting ready to put out my own blog. I’m sure this is in part due to Michael’s convincing personality and from hearing about blogging so much. But I can now also see how valuable it will be to share my thoughts with a large community of people.

  Through this blog I hope to inspire and be inspired, share my personal and professional insights, and hold myself accountable to the promises I make to myself and to Extreme Entrepreneurship. Now, not only will the community be able to see our organization from different perspectives, but I will be able to add insights from new angles, such as financial independence and entrepreneurship from a woman’s point of view. And of course, it will probably be quite amusing to see how Michael and I think about things differently.

  I think that the transparency our blogs will allow for our company is something that will benefit both Michael and I personally as well as everyone our company serves. Blogging will give me a totally different perspective and hold me accountable in many ways. To write honestly, I have to be open to the truth, and acknowledging the truth is often scary. It is my hope that my blog will help both me and the company grow in many ways.
  

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