Wow. Normally, if I will myself to do something, I just do it. I think I can better understand why people put off stuff that are really important. The only moment is now. Tomorrow never happened and is only in your head.

Today sets a very powerful precedent. If any one is reading this, I hope they'll stop reading this and do that one thing that is important to them...now...no excuses...it feels great. So what I've learned or re-learned during the experiment is:

1. Make public commitments, even if its to a few friends
2. Give updates to them frequently
3. Use the Power of Now (no excuses allowed).

The next trick is increasing the meditation time per day.

I don't think the way the experiment is constructed now will yield the results I'm looking for. I'll probably get a few interesting insights every day and be more relaxed. However, I feel that there is more potential to the technique and I won't be satisfied until I explore it.

I think one thing that slows me down is that I really only meditate for any length of time when I'm on a subway and cut off from the world. When I'm at home, as soon as I sit down to meditate a flurry of thoughts come to mind. I can let go of them, but it only takes one really convincing "Damn. I forgot to do that" before I run to the computer and jump into action.

One thing that I learned from the meditation retreat is that 95% of the tasks that seem urgent, aren't really that important the next day. During the 10 days of silence we weren't allowed to journal or communicate with anyone. this was great because if I had a journal I would have started making to dos and started planning them. It's sort of like letting a decision wait until the next day. Our thoughts make us think that they're reality, when they're not.

When reading a book, I heard a person talk about someone who had a normal 9-5 job and then meditated for 8 hours every night. For some reason, this seemed really inspiring to me. What stops me from doing it is that since the business isn't making money, I feel like I have to devote all my time to getting it sustainable before allowing myself to rest. We have a lot of debt now.

Alright. Here's what I'll do. I'll start off with 2 hours of sitting meditation. 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the evening. - This does not include the subway!!!!!!

I'll start right now!!!! I'll meditate for the next 1.25 hours until my alarm clock rings.

As I was meditating, old memories were coming back about why I meditate and why it's so important to me reaching my goals. It is interesting how I forgot these. I notice that I often have to learn the same lesson over and over. I forget and then remember.

Going over the day and events is so tempting. Thinking about worst-case scenarios, to dos, new ideas at some level is exhilirating. The body gets a quick out of it. While seemingly productive, my experience with observing thoughts tells me that the majority of them are not productive and that the more I engage in them, the less control I have.

I think something that leads to a cluttered mind is mult-tasking. I try to do five things at once. It goes well for awhile, then I have this feeling of getting behind and feeling cluttered. Then I start rushing and end up leaving 5-10 minutes. Then I end up running to where I need to go worrying that the people I'm meeting will be annoyed that I'm late. I think I could be more productive if I just did one thing at a time, left early to places, and focused on doing what was the most important task at any given time.

Another thing I'd like to work on is my humor. I think I take things to seriously. I think humor puts life in a different context, which makes things more fun, more healthy, and ultimately gives a perspective on life.

I've wanted to start this for awhile, but I think I will start trying to observe funny things about myself. Here are some for beginning:

1. When I'm wearing something that I think looks nice, every time a female walks by and we make eye contact, I think to myself, "She wants me." It's more of a reflex than a choice. I guess the same goes for being in a bad mood. When I'm in a bad mood and I make eye contact with a guy, I think to myself, "What are you looking at jerk? You want to fight fucker." Good thing I don't act on this as I'd probably get my ass beatean having been in zero fights my entire life. It never ceases to surpirse me how much we project our thoughts onto others.
   
2. Why do I curse in my thining, but never curse outloud?
   
3. I'm working at getting better at breaking rapport and saying what I really think. While listening is a great skill, sometimes people open up and they say crazy things. For example, I remember one time I was talking to this guy I met and he started making fun of Jewish people (probably not knowing that I'm Jewish). I didn't know what to say so I was like, "Yeah..those damn jewish." Of course, I didn't really say that, but I didn't disagree, I just listened. I think that I listen so well that I probably agreed with him and saw his side. Another time, I was taking a 36-hour train ride. The guy next to me completely opened up. He started telling me how he makes money on the side by purposely throwing himself in front of cars and collecting insurance or suiing. In the back of my mind, I'm thinking, "What the fuck did you just say?" But I nod and say something like, "Wow. I didn't know you could make so much money doing that." Four hours later into the ride, he opened up more and starting talking about having sex with strangers in bathrooms on trains and planes, even while the husband is on-board. For that, I reflexiively said, outloud "Wow. That's interesting. Tell me more about that." Then I said to myself, "Wow. That's interesting. I want to know more about that." But on a more serious note, How do you listen so well that you can see anybody's side, but still remember where you stand? Am I the only one that has that problem?

It is amazing how what you focus on changes the world you perceive so much. By the simple act of focusing on body sensations in my free time, my level of relaxation goes up tremendously. On your purely practical, non-spiritual level, it seems to me that learning how to train the mind and deciding what to train it with may be the two largest predictors of happiness and success.

I think certain thoughts are like an addictive juice. I first realized the power of this last June. For the previous six months I had been doing a lot of meditation and not letting my mind get carried away with fantasies, etc.. I was still focusing on business, but more focusing on it as something I did not letting it become who I was. At any rate, I was at a speaking seminar and I decided to let my mind go instead of control it. Well, immediately, I felt the juices flowing like a burst of sugar, and I started thinking non-stop about the business that night and coming up with creative ideas. I couldn't stop and it felt great. Well, after that, it was harder to get a grip on the mind again. While the creative bursts feel great, they seem to take control and it feels like I don't have an option, but to think about certain things.

I guess that's the problem with addictions. It's the upside that makes it difficult to stop. Also, it seems so harmless. My sense is that I can lead a happier life and a more successful one by letting go of fantasy and other "to be defined" thoughts even though they provide short-term benefits.

With that said, I'd like to make more alterations to my lifestyle. I am going to start meditating again, starting with one hour a day and perhaps gradually moving up.

From an observational perspective, I woke up in a grouchy mood. I felt a combination of being behind and also second-guessing myself for creating this blog, which may be misunderstood. Things turned around after having a long conversation with a friend. It is interesting that one can be in a bad mood, but when you're thrust into a social situation it can immediately disappear. For example, my mom and I would often get in big arguments as she was driving me to school. Sometimes, I'd be to the point of crying. However, as soon as I got into the school, any remnants of sadness were gone.

This leads me to think that any mood could be easily let go with the right mind programming.

This was one of the things that got me interested in the idea of an open relationship - the logic being that physical contact with femailes is an extension of a deep connection and makes it deeper. Furthermore the logic was, why does this connection have to be with only one person. Is it such that it would become weakened by sharing it with others?

As with most experiments in my life, I've read books on it and it turns out there is a whole community of people who believe in it, but that's besides the point. Here is my current thinking on it:

1. I don't think there is anything 'wrong' with it. The feelings that come up from both sides are opportunities for growth. I would go as far as to say "Incredible Growth!! if expressed in the right way.
   
2. I think intimate contact with others and the longing for it changes the dynamic of the original connection and also makes things more complicated by introducing a romantic component. This is ok, if you're ready for it and willing to put the energy toward it.
   
3. EXTREMELY clear communication is required, preferably by everyone with each other. The potential for miscommunication and loss of trust could is big.

In high school I enjoyed drinking at parties because it made me feel more relaxed around girls. However, this never helped me get any girls in high school anyway!!!

I pretty much stopped drinking the night I met Sheena. She can probably count the number of times she's seen me drink on one hand.

The hardest part about not drinking that I've found is the social aspect. I now feel comfortable going to a bar and ordering bottled water or sparkling water. I think it will be difficult for me at business meetings when everybody else is drinking, but I haven't really encountered it yet. And I wouldn't be against drinking a tiny bit.

John Sexton, the president of NYU, has never even sipped alcohol once so this gives me hope that there's ways to get around it.

To me, it feels like the greatest benefit of alcohol is the buzzed feeling. My pesonal feeling is that I'd rather find ways of getting positive feelings that don't cost money, don't have negative health effects, and don't make me need more and more of it to feel its positive effects. Although, I do have to admit that it is difficult to get relaxed quickly in social situations without it, although it is theoretically possible.

During college, I read a fair amount of books on sleep and explored techniques for getting less sleep, and remaining attentive so I could get more hours out of the day. I've also started to explore lucid dreaming, but decided I'd rather spend my time on making more out of my waking hours.

I now sleep as many hours as I need to and generally wake up by myself unless I have an early appointment. I try to keep a routine of going to sleep between 11-1, but that varies (right now it's 3:00am and I can't fall asleep becase of jet lag).

This seems to work very well for me. I'm very rarely tired during the day. Also, on day where I have no choice but to get less sleep, I'm not really affected and I can catch up right away. I think not being sleep makes me more happy and more productive.

I first started thinking about diet after attending an Anthony Robbins seminar where there was a whole six hour portion on diet. The part of the seminar that affected me the most was watching how the animals are slaughtered and what they're fed. I won't go into that, but I decided to become vegetarian for a mixture of health and moral reasons.

Over the years, I've gone on and off a vegetarian diet. Things went up a level when I decided to go on a 100% raw food diet. In addition, I did a four day fast.

I stopped the raw diet after six months and went back to being a vegetarian. Now, I'm just a vegan. I don't drink and very rarely eat sweets.

Here's what I've learned from this whole experience:

1. I will be very careful to be a part of an "extreme diet" again. After reading many books and attending many meetings on raw food, I saw a lot of circular thinking and putting the ideal experience over people's actual experiences. I still feel that a 100% raw diet can work well for people, if they're very careful, but I don't think one has to be 100%. I probably eat 60-70% raw food.
   
2. Not eating sweets probably has had the largest impact. I very rarely crave sweets and as a result, I don't have ups and downs like I used to. I have a much more balanced feeling, not to say that my mind doesn't throw that off.
   
3. Fasting was interesting. After a day of it, the desire for food became much less and I realized how little food the body needs. However, after the fast, I gorged myself on food. I couldn't get enough even if I was already full.
   
4. I'm a vegan now not because I think meat is innately bad for health. However, after learning how animals are raised, what they're fed, and how they're killed - it doesn't seem like the best choice for me in terms of health or ethically. I think there are other options I could pursue such as open-range chicken and grass-fed cows, but I don't think these things are regulated very heavily and I don't feel like spending the time to research companies.

While I've never had an "out-there" experiences, it changed how I view myself. After trying to focus for over 100 hours on different sensations in the body, I realized how little control I have over the mind. Also, I realized many of the tricks the mind plays on itself. In day-to-day life, I'm normally too slow to catch on to a lot of stuff, but the tricks become pretty obvious when there are no distractions.

For example, I noticed my tendency to fantacize about things was taking me away from actually doing things in the present moment that I didn't like. In the case of meditation, I was fantacizing about going to the next retreat for 20 days instead of 10 and going to many throughout the year. In the mean time, I was simply fantacizing instead of doing the actual meditation in the present moment.

There was a lot of stuff like that, all of which added up to the feeling that I am not the thoughts I have. Furthermore, it is not necessarily the most productive use of my time to be thinking about stuff all the time. Also, it was interesting to see that most of my thoughts seemed unproductive.