Making a Move

Thinking about making the move
to live with a significant other? After living with Michael for over three
years, here is the advice I gave to a friend: Firstly, living together and
dating are very different. My guess would be that living together is much more
like being married than it is like dating, although of course I've never been
married. There seem to be various stages to any relationship, and I think by
moving in together, a new stage arises. The infatuation you get in the beginning
of a relationship gives way to a more casual love. In a way, you start to think
of each other like family and take each other for granted. A lot of the
'glamour' of the relationship goes away. It's great because you are so
comfortable around each other, but at the same time you sometimes forget how
lucky you are, and have to keep reminding yourself. I've heard that successful
marriages are less likely to come about after "cohabitations". I don�t know much
about how these statistics were derived, but you have to think about the
context. A couple living together has only very recently become acceptable, just
as divorce has. Relationships are not what they used to be - for better and for
worse. I think that one thing that our generation has been entirely mislead on
is the belief that we have one soulmate and that once we find our "prince" we
will live "happily ever after". Relationships are hard work, and we have never
been taught how to push through the tough times which are inevitable. I would
argue that the most difficult times for Michael and I have brought us the most
growth - both individually and in our relationship. But many people take these
difficult times as signs that they "were not meant for each other" after all.
The other thing I should point out about living together is that the longer you
do it, the more difficult it is to break up. Michael and I have considered
breaking up before (though we're both glad we didn�t now), and when that was
going on, we realized how difficult it would actually be to move apart. Our
belongings had virtually merged, and we had become very interdependent. But it
wasn't just our belongings. We had been giving to each other unconditionally,
the way you would give to a family member who you expected to always be your
family member. But at the same time, when you're living together, marriage
becomes very easy to put off, even if you plan on it eventually. (This is where
I see our relationship right now.) It doesn�t seem like much would change, and
so there doesn�t seem to be much of a point in it. Where is the benefit? Perhaps
this accounts some for the increasing delay in the age of marriages in our
generation. I hope these points do not sound too negative, because to be
completely honest with you, I think it was an excellent choice for us to live
together and I wouldn�t have it any other way. It will bring out the best in
your relationship and the worst - and the best in each other and the worst. It
is a beautiful catalyst for growth. However, living together is certainly not
dating. I think for it to be successful, each individual has to approach living
together with a commitment to the relationship's success, a willingness to
change and compromise, and a determination to use the challenges as a means to
grow personally. Above all, I think the best advice I can give is the advice
that my mother gave me when I told her that Michael and I were thinking about it
- you have to follow your heart, and you will know if it is right for you.

Posted at 02:26 AM | TrackBack | Top

March 17, 2004

Laws of Attraction

What causes us to connect with, to
love, other human being? What is it that attracts us to one person but not
another? It certainly is nothing logical, although we try to rationalize it in
our heads. �I like him because he makes me laugh; I like her because she�s so
much like me; We�re best friends because we�ve known each other for so long.�
But then what happens when the person you feel this �connection� with is someone
who, for all logical, reasons is someone you shouldn�t like? Or vice-versa. I
have had experiences where I have met extremely interesting people who are
interested in many of the same things that I am, but as much as I wanted to, I
could not build that feeling of connection. It wasn�t that I didn�t like them.
There was just no �chemistry�. And I have met people that, even in a very short
period of time, I have developed a very deep connection with. I would really
love to know what creates and sustains these bonds. Are we attracted to
particular people for a reason? I read somewhere a theory that while we
communicate on a worldly level, unbeknownst to our egos our souls are at the
same time communicating, and this determines our level of attraction. I suppose
this is possible. And then, to take this question one step further, once we are
attracted to another person, what determines whether this will be a romantic or
more friendly attraction?

Posted at 10:01 PM | TrackBack | Top

January 25, 2004

Hillary Clinton

I�m currently
reading Hillary Clinton�s autobiography, href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-
/0743222245/qid=1075087680//ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/103-8359135-
6942240?v=glance&s=books&n=507846">Living
History, and I must say she is an extremely fascinating and inspiring
woman. While I am only on page 164 out of 534, I have already taken from her two
lessons that I hope to always apply to my life:

1. Hilary faced many critical attacks on her role as a woman, as a mother,
   and as a political figure, especially during the campaign for her husband�s
   presidency. In her autobiography, she writes that the mantra she adopted to
   deal with criticism was: �Take criticism seriously, but not
   personally.� In the past, I have often felt conflicted in terms of
   criticism � without question, I want people�s honest feedback. But then when
   it is negative, it is sometimes difficult for me not to feel bad, even when I
   know I shouldn�t. I think that by seeking to grow rather than to safeguard the
   ego, criticism can be seen as a blessing and not something that is painful and
   to be avoided.
   
2. While adjusting to her new role as First Lady, Hillary found that people
   wanted to fit her into a certain box � traditional or feminist. She was, like
   many women, trapped by gender stereotypes that didn�t reflect the true
   complexity of her life. She found that it was very difficult to satisfy people
   with her many different, and sometimes paradoxical, roles. How could she prove
   to people that she could be both a hardworking professional woman and a
   conscientious and caring hostess? I greatly admire her persistence in being
   herself, even when that self was not accepted by others. I think that most
   people agree that they should be themselves, but the part that is difficult is
   truly understanding and accepting that self. We often place ourselves, like we
   place others, into these stereotypical roles and �boxes�, rather than
   embracing all of the complexity that we bring into the world. It is so
   powerful to seek to understand rather than work to eliminate the seemingly
   contradictory and paradoxical elements of ourselves. It is these aspects that
   truly make us who we are.

Posted at 10:34 PM | TrackBack | Top

January 21, 2004

On Learning

Sometimes it takes a great deal of practice to learn something new, and
sometimes I get it right away or after just
a little practice. But when I do learn, it is because something in my head
clicks and all of a sudden whatever I was trying to learn comes very easily. I
just understand it, and I don�t know where that understanding comes from. I can
think of many times I�ve had this �clicking� feeling: playing the trombone,
driving, learning to type, running�the list goes on. But what makes that click
happen? If only I could figure that out, I could learn new things a lot faster!

Posted at 09:45 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack | Top

January 20, 2004

Natural Talent

Ever since I was young, I�ve been obsessed
with the �natural�. I didn�t wear make-up until late into high school because I
wanted to exude my �natural beauty�. When, as a high school freshman, I died my
hair red with Koolade, this only furthered my belief that to try to change what
was natural only made it worse. What is natural? This involves a very fine
line�if there even exists a line. For example, other values of mine were
�natural talent� and �natural intelligence�. But does that mean it is
�unnatural� to develop these qualities within ourselves? Nobody is born with
everything. In fact, I think that we are all truly born equally equipped � just
in vastly different ways. And that some strengths are not as highly valued by
our culture as others. I have come to notice this desire to remain natural
sometimes limiting me, holding me back from believing I can be good at things I
never thought I was. Through this realization though, I have come to the
conclusion that there cannot be anything more natural than the human desire to
learn and grow. Without learned talents, we would not get anywhere. Equally
valuable and natural are talents that are with us from birth and talents that we
work hard to attain.

Posted at 10:08 PM | TrackBack | Top

October 09, 2003

Vanquishing the Gobbler of Time

I�ve recently gotten much better at prioritizing. A great book on this essential subject is "First Things First" by Stephen Covey. I read the book in August and I�m still feeling its effects. It is definitely not your typical �organize your life� book, and I highly recommend it to anyone feeling overwhelmed or unsatisfied by their busy life. In addition to the methods that I learned in the book, I�ve been trying to do things that cause me stress first. When you think about it, if you do stressful things first, then you have the rest of the day not to be stressed. It actually makes quite a lot of sense and once it becomes habit, it�s not difficult at all. This is a big step for me who was once named by mother as �The Queen of Procrastination�.

Posted at 05:38 PM | Top

October 06, 2003

A Convert

I've been sold. When Michael began blogging I have to admit I was a bit skeptical. It is a prime example of his addictive personality at work � he spent so much time researching about blogs and writing entries, taking pains to make sure his work was perfect. Honestly, I thought it was quite a waste of time. Yet here I am, four months later, getting ready to put out my own blog. I�m sure this is in part due to Michael�s convincing personality and from hearing about blogging so much. But I can now also see how valuable it will be to share my thoughts with a large community of people. Through this blog I hope to inspire and be inspired, share my personal and professional insights, and hold myself accountable to the promises I make to myself and to Extreme Entrepreneurship. Now, not only will the community be able to see our organization from different perspectives, but I will be able to add insights from new angles, such as financial independence and entrepreneurship from a woman�s point of view. And of course, it will probably be quite amusing to see how Michael and I think about things differently. I think that the transparency our blogs will allow for our company is something that will benefit both Michael and I personally as well as everyone our company serves. Blogging will give me a totally different perspective and hold me accountable in many ways. To write honestly, I have to be open to the truth, and acknowledging the truth is often scary. It is my hope that my blog will help both me and the company grow in many ways.

Posted at 04:52 PM | Comments (3) | Top