On Long-Term Relationships
Here's another perspective on long-term relationships, building on Michael's recent post:
Growing up, I had a strong believe in a vague and blissful picture of “happily ever after”. Coming to college, I told my roommate that I believed people have two romantic loves in their life: a high school sweetheart (where they learn what love is) and a true love (who they live happily ever after with, because they don’t make all the mistakes they made with their first love). So far this has been true in one aspect – there have been two men I have loved in my life. It has been utterly false in that solutions to all problems were learned with the first one.
When Michael and I first shared with each other those three scary words (saying them slowly and simultaneously so that neither of us had to say it first) it was one of the best feelings in the world. But I eventually learned that my definition of love was not the only definition out there. Differences in our beliefs about the idea of ‘soul mate’, ways of supporting each other, and ways of wanting to be supported have led to much reflection on what it means to love and commit to another individual. Now I think love is almost equivalent to growth.
Michael’s mother once told me “no one can hurt you like someone you love.” It resonated very deeply. Love is remarkably precise in its ability to expose both what is most blissful and most painful within us. This is why I think relationships are the most direct route to self-discovery and growth. The problems they bring out are the demons within ourselves. And we are forced to work through these things in order to continue the relationship. Love causes individuals to become better people.
In summary, Michael and I will have our 5th anniversary on the 27th of this month. Over the past five years, we have risen above challenges ranging from sharing a one-room apartment to infidelity. And we have experienced the indescribable peace in a glance filled with love. The intimacy of knowing what another is thinking without words. The comfort in sharing your dreams and fears with someone who understands you. And the significance of knowing that you will forever be connected through that love.
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09:06 PM
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August 11, 2005
Samurai
On August 1st, Michael and I welcomed into our home a new addition to our family! Samurai (nicknamed “Sam” and “Sammy”), was so named because of his uncanny ability to accurately attack moving body parts and other potential enemies despite the fact that he is blind.
The pictures I have now are mostly of him sleeping, even though he doesn’t seem to do that enough. (On his third night home, he learned to climb onto the bed, and Michael and I are regularly awoken 3-4 times a night. I was so excited that he had slept through an entire night a couple days ago…until I learned that Michael had pulled an all-nighter and the only reason Samurai hadn’t woke me up is because Michael was keeping him distracted!) I’ll get more action pictures soon.
I'm in love!
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06:03 PM
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August 05, 2005
No Excuses
When I was in high school, the cool thing was to get good grades without trying – or at least without seeming like you tried. This came with many benefits. For example, if you did average, or even poorly on a test, you could always fall back on the excuse that you hadn’t studied. For some reason, in our high school minds, to fail because you had not tried was more respectful than trying and failing. A lack of effort still left for the possibility of latent greatness. But trying and failing, well that just proved you weren’t as competent as the others, even if they had never succeeded themselves.
I identified this limiting belief in college, and made many positive changes in my life as a result. Still, every once in awhile, I notice it coming to surface. I’m aware, for example, that by working on my business full time, I am putting in my full efforts. Thus the danger arises that if the business fails, I cant blame lack of time or a distracted mind. I cant say that if given the chance, I would be a great entrepreneur. The business either will be successful, or it will not. And the fascinating thing is, I’m genuinely more interested to just live it the process of trying than to worry about what the outcome will be.
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12:40 PM
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August 02, 2005
I'm a Bad Blogger
By now you have probably noticed that I don’t blog much. I certainly don’t post as much as Michael. Why is this?
I’ve asked myself the question a lot. Here are some of my rational observations:
I have tons of ideas of what to blog about, but…
I never get around to actually writing the post.
I start writing and get distracted by something else.
I work on tasks I’ve designated as higher priority and decide not to do it at the end of the day.
I fall behind and feel like I have to write some masterpiece to make up for it. Otherwise why post so sparingly?
I sit down to write and have so many ideas, I can’t choose what to write about. (This, in fact, is happening right now. Let’s hope I can get to the end of this one!)
Every once in awhile I have a New Year’s resolution type of thought and think: “This time, I’m really gonna do it. I’m going to blog daily now!!” Doesn’t happen. Sometimes I get one, maybe two posts out before I’m back to old habits.
So what does this mean? I’ve noticed that of all the blogs I follow, or hear about regularly, there are not many female bloggers out there. Could it have to do with my gender? I have a tendency to look at my goals for the day and prioritize them before acting; Michael’s mentioned he blogs when he gets the inspiration, regardless of his other priorities. Perhaps I am too disciplined? And the most ironic thing - I journal every day without fail. Could it be my insecurity? A feeling that what is on my mind is irrelevant and uninteresting to others?
Well, I still don’t have a clear answer. But it does look like I’m going to at least get this post out. And hey, I’m still optimistic! Many more to come? Regularly??
As the saying I am known for goes…
Anything’s possible.
