On Long-Term Relationships

Here's another perspective on long-term relationships, building on Michael's recent post:

Growing up, I had a strong believe in a vague and blissful picture of “happily ever after”. Coming to college, I told my roommate that I believed people have two romantic loves in their life: a high school sweetheart (where they learn what love is) and a true love (who they live happily ever after with, because they don’t make all the mistakes they made with their first love). So far this has been true in one aspect – there have been two men I have loved in my life. It has been utterly false in that solutions to all problems were learned with the first one.

When Michael and I first shared with each other those three scary words (saying them slowly and simultaneously so that neither of us had to say it first) it was one of the best feelings in the world. But I eventually learned that my definition of love was not the only definition out there. Differences in our beliefs about the idea of ‘soul mate’, ways of supporting each other, and ways of wanting to be supported have led to much reflection on what it means to love and commit to another individual. Now I think love is almost equivalent to growth.

Michael’s mother once told me “no one can hurt you like someone you love.” It resonated very deeply. Love is remarkably precise in its ability to expose both what is most blissful and most painful within us. This is why I think relationships are the most direct route to self-discovery and growth. The problems they bring out are the demons within ourselves. And we are forced to work through these things in order to continue the relationship. Love causes individuals to become better people.

In summary, Michael and I will have our 5th anniversary on the 27th of this month. Over the past five years, we have risen above challenges ranging from sharing a one-room apartment to infidelity. And we have experienced the indescribable peace in a glance filled with love. The intimacy of knowing what another is thinking without words. The comfort in sharing your dreams and fears with someone who understands you. And the significance of knowing that you will forever be connected through that love.